In saying that, I can't believe its already the end of my first semester of sophomore year, and I can't say its been easy! Its flown by, but I've definitely encountered a big dose of the sophomore blues =[ It's not that I miss home, I do... but really just my family, but more of realizations about life.
I have met quite a few people this semester, largely due to my friend Liz getting her own apartment with 3 new roommates in which we (Ryan and I) were encompassed into a new environment. But with meeting new people doesn't quite come with the best consequences. I feel like this year I've grown up a lot, and am having a really hard time finding a balance between the whole partying, and being studious issue. Really its not a conflict in which I can't decide which one I want, because I could CERTAINLY do without partying, drinking, and bars- in all honesty, thats NOT my style, and NOT how I choose to live (not saying doing it EVERY once in a while is horrendous) but I dont know if its because I've grown up or not, but its really just not that fun anymore and I feel like COMPLETE crap for about 3 days afterwards...
I find myself missing the sort of people who like to do dorky things, SOBER things, or artsy things... not saying that my friends DON'T EVER do that, but for some reason its more like I don't really get included when that happens... and more than anything get calls on the weekend when its time to drink and go out... and I REALLY really am tired of all of that, and I REALLY am tired of going along with everyone else's agendas.
That last realization came to me this weekend, during my birthday. I had been excited for my birthday for quite some time, I had a fun dinner planned, and a party afterwards, and plans to spend time with my best friend the next day. Really everything turned out to be a bust... I thank my two other friends, L & J, for putting in the effort (As well as the ever dependable boyfriend) but I spent two hours getting ready to go out to eat at a restaurant I LOVE- and when we got there (our reservations at 8:30) we ended up having to wait until nine, and by then the other two who came out with us got sulky and upset, so we finally left and went to a pub down the street where they continued to sulk about how they didn't get to eat where THEY or more particularly ONE person didn't get to eat on MY birthday- which I was already bummed out about, but tried to make the best of! Then when we got in the car the two decided they weren't even going to go to my PARTY that the boyfriend and the best friend spend an HOUR decorating for. So my BIG party I'd been waiting for ended up being the usual 4 friends plus my best friend, Sami- I didn't even get a sorry. AWESOME. Not to mention, I wanted to go out to MoJos that I never get to go to anymore, and everyone decided against that Idea too. At some point towards the end of the night ryan and I got into a 5 minute fight about I don't even remember what that ended as quick as it started and SAMI decided that she was gunna drive an hour home to cedar rapids after drinking well over 10 beers because she didn't want to listen to me fight. (A.K.A. boyfriend was calling and god forbid she leave her latest boyfriend for more than 5 hours) so the rest of my weekend plans fell through too. Sorry I don't even get my birthday...
I don't want to sound selfish... because 99.9 percent of the time I end up going along with everyone else's plans whether I want to or not, just so I'm not sitting at home doing homework all weekend. But everyone has the nerve to ask me to go to the "Hub" on thursday to watch an amateur band that plays the same cover songs every week, while we stand at another side of the bar and I watch everybody else OF AGE drink. Not my kind of fun, God forbid I get to do something I want to do... when I expressed my opinion about maybe going somewhere else because we always go to the Hub, everyone shoots it down. So basically, I'm done following everyone around, drinking because thats the only thing anyone ever invites me to do, and standing around in bars watching other people drink. & I'm DONE depending on anybody other than my family and my boyfriend, because they are the ONLY people who I can ever count on. (except maybe Liz, haha)
So I'm sorry to anyone who has to listen to me rant, but it feels good to get it out, because the only other person I had to talk to about it is Ryan and he was there... so it isn't as effective :/ lol
In other news, I think I'm going to quit target in hopes that I can work during the christmas holiday being a server in Cascade at a family friend's restaurant, because I'm going to get an ACTUAL job next semester to busy myself up, so at least I'll have an EXCUSE to not have to stand around in bars.
Hopefully things get better, I'm getting tired of the repetition, Hopefully its just the sophomore blues!
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