Shit. Its finals weeks.

Actually I'm not too entirely upset- I technically only have 3 left and a poster project.

I got my Target schedule for next week though. Its pretty insane, I don't know how I'm going to get through the whole seven or so hours they gave me 2-9:45 on Tuesday. WTF. I'm broke and need money. Normally Target loves to throw 30-40 hours on me when I come back. SEVEN? REALLY?!
I'm so glad I'm leaving that shit-hole. I'm glad I'm leaving Dubuque in generally really.

I went on a roomate date with a girl who offered rooms in a 4 BR house for Ryan and I and she was pretty fantastic- and so was the house! So I am very very excited about that... hopefully all works out well!

This is probably the single most boring blog I've ever written. I'm just bored as hell... and procrastinating my studying. I've basically wasted my entire day today watching food network and playing on stupid fb applications. I'm lammmmeee!!


Anyway, I'm off again. Maybe i'll remember to write something mildly interesting soon...

Soooo I'm finally back home. & let me say it IS nice to not be in my stuffy dorm room worrying about what I have due on monday or tuesday... BUT the fact that I have to work a SHIT TON at Target for rediculously long and rediculously ABSURD hours is giving me that yucky butterfly feeling that is almost completely ruining the whole "yay its thanksgiving break" feeling. =[ At this point... and thinking about having to work at 4:45 am makes me not even CARE about the money. Laura needs to find a new job!
and an apartment!
and a way to help ryan take care of his ever-growing medical bills. The fact that we know it is a life-long disease is unsettling... so I really hope we can find a way to dig him out of debt before we start working on school debt after he graduates... OH GOD! lol... better keep our grades up, huh?!

Sometimes I feel like I/we have the problems of a middle aged married couple and we're only in our 20's...

Really, I don't know why I'm still awake... we're supposed to meet Ryan's mom for lunch and we all know very well she'll call at 8am and tell us she wants to get together at 10am... SO not happening... I would really like this night to relax at home.

Speaking of relaxing- I was quite proud of myself last night. All those who ditched me went out to my LEAST favorite bar. Yeah, they asked me to go a ton of times... but I thought about it and realized... uhmmm why am I going to go out with you guys when you all ditched me on my BIRTHDAY? So I finally stood up for myself, in a passive way anyway, and just said I didn't want to go... but had a nice time anyway. Ryan and I watched our thursday night shows and capped it off with the proposal... cuz we're pretty exciting like that. HOWEVER- it was a GREAT movie! ;)

Soo anyway... this was a pretty lame blog... I'm too tired to have anything interesting to say besides complaining, which is probably REALLY annoying, but most readily available when my mind is mostly shut off. baha.

Hopefully I'll write more when I'm bored and more alert.

Its been a while!

So I didn't blog all summer... and I just realized this NOW. bahah... not that summer was anything to blog about anyway because absolutely NOTHING happened!  Ryan had to take the summer off to recuperate after surgery (and he is healthier and better than ever, might I add!) So we took it VERY easy, I worked at Target, and there was minimal activity, lol.  It was lazy, and boring, but nice =]

In saying that, I can't believe its already the end of my first semester of sophomore year, and I can't say its been easy!  Its flown by, but I've definitely encountered a big dose of the sophomore blues =[ It's not that I miss home, I do... but really just my family, but more of realizations about life.  

I have met quite a few people this semester, largely due to my friend Liz getting her own apartment with 3 new roommates in which we (Ryan and I) were encompassed into a new environment.  But with meeting new people doesn't quite come with the best consequences.  I feel like this year I've grown up a lot, and am having a really hard time finding a balance between the whole partying, and being studious issue.  Really its not a conflict in which I can't decide which one I want, because I could CERTAINLY do without partying, drinking, and bars- in all honesty, thats NOT my style, and NOT how I choose to live (not saying doing it EVERY once in a while is horrendous) but I dont know if its because I've grown up or not, but its really just not that fun anymore and I feel like COMPLETE crap for about 3 days afterwards... 

I find myself missing the sort of people who like to do dorky things, SOBER things, or artsy things... not saying that my friends DON'T EVER do that, but for some reason its more like  I don't really get included when that happens... and more than anything get calls on the weekend when its time to drink and go out...   and I REALLY really am tired of all of that, and I REALLY am tired of going along with everyone else's agendas.

That last realization came to me this weekend, during my birthday.  I had been excited for my birthday for quite some time, I had a fun dinner planned, and a party afterwards, and plans to spend time with my best friend the next day.  Really everything turned out to be a bust... I thank my two other friends, L & J, for putting in the effort (As well as the ever dependable boyfriend) but I spent two hours getting ready to go out to eat at a restaurant I LOVE- and when we got there (our reservations at 8:30) we ended up having to wait until nine, and by then the other two who came out with us got sulky and upset, so we finally left and went to a pub down the street where they continued to sulk about how they didn't get to eat where THEY or more particularly ONE person didn't get to eat on MY birthday- which I was already bummed out about, but tried to make the best of!   Then when we got in the car the two decided they weren't even going to go to my PARTY that the boyfriend and the best friend spend an HOUR decorating for. So  my BIG party I'd been waiting for ended up being the usual 4 friends plus my best friend, Sami- I didn't even get a sorry.  AWESOME.  Not to mention, I wanted to go out to MoJos that I never get to go to anymore, and everyone decided against that Idea too. At some point towards the end of the night ryan and I got into a 5 minute fight about I don't even remember what that ended as quick as it started and SAMI decided that she was gunna drive an hour home to cedar rapids after drinking well over 10 beers because she didn't want to listen to me fight. (A.K.A. boyfriend was calling and god forbid she leave her latest boyfriend for more than 5 hours) so the rest of my weekend plans fell through too.  Sorry I don't even get my birthday...

I don't want to sound selfish... because 99.9 percent of the time I end up going along with everyone else's plans whether I want to or not, just so I'm not sitting at home doing homework all weekend.  But everyone has the nerve to ask me to go to the "Hub" on thursday to watch an amateur band that plays the same cover songs every week, while we stand at another side of the bar and I watch everybody else OF AGE drink.  Not my kind of fun, God forbid I get to do something I want to do... when I expressed my opinion about maybe going somewhere else because we always go to the Hub, everyone shoots it down.  So basically, I'm done following everyone around, drinking because thats the only thing anyone ever invites me to do, and standing around in bars watching other people drink. & I'm DONE depending on anybody other than my family and my boyfriend, because they are the ONLY people who I can ever count on. (except maybe Liz, haha)

So I'm sorry to anyone who has to listen to me rant, but it feels good to get it out, because the only other person I had to talk to about it is Ryan and he was there... so it isn't as effective :/ lol

In other news, I think I'm going to quit target in hopes that I can work during the christmas holiday being a server in Cascade at a family friend's restaurant, because I'm going to get an ACTUAL job next semester to busy myself up, so at least I'll have an EXCUSE to not have to stand around in bars. 

Hopefully things get better, I'm getting tired of the repetition, Hopefully its just the sophomore blues!

spice.

So right before Ryan's heart surgery, I thought it would be a good idea to create a spice girls mix cd, just for fun. && lemme tell ya, I haven't taken it out of my car stereo for three weeks! I'm kindof obsessed, and it never ever gets old... I loooove them, why was I not a spice girl?
so, this might sound ultra creepy... but wouldn't it be fabulous to get a bunch of girls together and form a spice girls tribute band? I think I've got it all worked out, minus the people of course, bahaha... maybe i'll hold auditions, and we can perform at the fair or something. I'm a freak, I know... I just think it would be amazing =]

Anyways, I am extra bored right now, as I watch ryan sleeping... I'm rather jealous cuz I'm extra tired and sami finds it necessary to text me at 8 in the morning each day and beg me to go to finley's landing with her-which I am NOT doing because I'm still 30 pounds heavier than usual. lol... so i'm trying to figure out all of the excuses I can use. But anyway, I'm really tired cuz she woke me up #1, and #2, the doctor thought it would be a GREAT idea to just randomly take out two of my wisdom teeth on the spot last tuesday, and I am THE SLOWEST healer in the planet, so i'm still in pain and STILL swollen. HOPEFULLY I don't look like a chipmunk for jake's big birthday bash tomorrow... But I already planned for that and bought myself the most outrageous 80's bright neon multi-colored dress, which is faBOOsSH and will DEFINATELY take the attention off of my big cheeks, and weird speech problems... lol. I'm rather excited to wear it... its very ME.

so yea. thats the update of my lame-ass life. lol... hopefully my summer gets better if all of these bizarre distractions (ie: random teeth pulling) and such, quit taking place. && I thought RYAN would be the one immobilized... YEESHERS.

<3 never give up on the good times, gotta believe in the love you find...

not much has happened since the last time I posted...
but ryan comes home today, Im SO excited... I didn't go up to Iowa city the last two days because I genuinely thought (or hoped) he'd get out those days- he didn't =[
but FINALLY he comes home today... I couldn't be more ecstatic!

I actually went out on Saturday night... despite my guilt that ryan was sitting in a hospital bed, he wasn't quite a fan either. He called me about every 15 minutes to a half our to check on me, lol. I guess I now know how that feels like... I'm starting to think that Ryan sent andy to go to the party with me though, even though he denied it. Basically because I could not move 2 feet without he being directly behind me, or talk to anything with a penis without bein intercepted by him... I thought it was funny! thank you andy, for being such a big brother =] I love my friends!

I start back at work on wednesday... though target has given me NO hours... and thrown me in the FITTING ROOM, where i never work. Although, the FR is my fav place to be- basically it requires no effort, hehe. Hopefully the stick to it. But as far as I know, I only work wednesday, saturday, and sunday for the next TWO weeks. O well... I'll STILL be making more money than I did at the carts up at UNI, lol. Not to mention I'm not the hugest fan of working at target these days anyway, all my friends quit =[ and now the only ppl left are those that I don't get along with and are forced to make fake-smiley-uncomfortable-forced-conversations with. uggghh... Lets just hope for the best! I'm going to need LOOOTS of optimism this summer to cope with ry... he'll need it!

Off I go to get ready for the day=]

drained.

I never knew how much I loved ryan until I spent three days at a hospital with no sleep holding his hand... my parents finally drove to Iowa City to pick me up because I was so exhausted. the first night out of surgery I left him and cried all night without a wink of sleep because he was there all alone with a tube down his throat... it broke my heart to see him like that.
luckily he's doing better than expected (just like i told everyone he would) doctors said he would probably be there until next wednesday, but now its looking more like early on saturday =] thats my boy! ... I hope thats the case anyway because I am driving back tomorrow to stay with him in his room overnight.
the thing that sucks the most is the fact that he wont be able to drink... but knowing him he PROBABLY will anyway. It will be hard to keep him away from it with his friends AND his family... that worries me.
ON a brighter note i got my grades back today, mine were good... with my frosh year ending with a cumulative 3.3 GPA =] Ryan at least didn't fail and finished with a 2.12 GPA, but I've got to give him props for going back after five years and dealing with the knowledge that as soon as he's done with his first year he has to have major heart surgery...

All n All... thats about the update for now, not much has happened besides the fact that I've moved back from school (which sucked balls by the way... who knew I had SO much junk??) and also I changed my hair (again, hee) to something crazy... just like me =] but i'm a fan of it!

I should probably sleep though... i'm really at the point now where i'm just in a foggy delerium and too tired to even sleep... ever felt that way? I'm not a fan!!! Hopefully I get some tonight, but I just can't stop thinking about ryan's poor face all alone in that room... I hope his dad stays with him until he falls asleep tonight... granted he GETS any sleep tonight.

until next time!

almost done!

agh... SO close to tasting summer =]

One more day of reg. class... then back to cascade to take home a car-load of my stuff (I have NO IDEA where all this extra JUNK came from... it only took TWO carloads to get it here, and so far its taken two to bring home and thats not even half!)

I'm supposed to head to sami's birthday party (I decided I couldn't be THAT big of a bitch to miss her BIRTHDAY party) .... however, I'm catching a nasty cold... HOPEFULLY ITS NOT THE SWINE FLU! ;) ... and I have a TERRIBLE eye infection, and the docs told me to STAY AWAY from any sort of smoke...
WELL THAT IS JUST SWELL because any party that sami is to ever throw involves massive MASSIVE amounts of cigarette smoke! its unbearable to deal with NORMALLY, but having an EYE INFECTION on top of being SICK... that just takes the cake... and I REALLY don't want to have to miss out on finals

thats my luck, ladies and gents! lol... so I've decided that I'm going to make an APPEARANCE... hopefully she's not too offended by that, but it IS Sami... you never know how she will react.

speaking of luck...
here's a FUN one... lol

so on Sunday, the Tornado sirens went off.... WHILE I WAS IN THE SHOWER!!! and guess what? LAURA COULDN'T HEAR THEM, because some girls who were listening to the radio in the bathroom felt it necessary to turn the radio volume ALL the way up to hear the warning on the radio, eliminating ANY sound from anywhere else in the building because when they left, they just left the radio turned all the way up
SO I finish my shower, walk out into the hallway... finding it odd that its EXTRA quiet, and when i get to my room ryan is standing right next to the door waiting for me....
GRR I was so mad... then i just decided to stay up in my room because the sirens were no longer going off.

but I'm JUST SAYIN... maybe people should check the bathrooms when the sirens go off... like OH I don't know the RA?!?!?!?!?!
she hates me, she'd probably just let me die anyway, lol.



Anyways... I REALLY should get back to my homework... Only two papers left to write for the year.... and for some reason i'm having HUGE issues summing up the motivation to write them....


<3

rah! I forgot all about blogging... I've been uber busy!

I'm extra exhausted... I've had so much homework today, I never have a break!

saw carol gilligan speak today... very intersting. It felt amazing to be in the presence of such an influential person. Makes me aspire to achieve what she has in psychology, though its doubtful.

Got in another fight with sami. More and more it seems like its hard to stay friends with someone like her... I've moved forward so much, and she seems to not move at all, which is sad. Its hard to watch such a good friend throw their life away, she focuses on that instant gratification, not on future consequences... maybe one day she'll learn. She's academically even smarter than me, if she'd only apply her skills and have a little ambition she could go places...

we can only hope.

But I can't afford to surround myself with that anymore, it makes me feel so sad for them... no matter what I say she doesn't listen, she'll always do her own thing.

I know she hears me and it all sinks in... she just doesn't want to let go of her pride.

maybe when I have my PhD she'll take me seriously;) haha.

I just can't wait to get to that point in my life where I can help people like her succeed, I'll always be chasing that satisfaction, she'll always be in the back of my mind.
The most rewarding feeling for me is creating a positive change in someone's life, or giving them the skills, knowledge, and that extra push to turn their lives around...


however its always a little bittersweet when she has these moments of breakdown... it sounds terrible but not having to deal with her for a while is nice, her life is one big world of stress... I think my blood pressure rises when I have to deal with her, haha. But her being my last source of adolescent drama, its nice to not have to hear about it for a while... as terrible as that sounds.

I'm not a bad friend, I swear... haha.

but it wouldn't be right of me to support her bad decisions, she knows that... somewhere inside of her I KNOW she knows that. she's really not as dumb as she likes to come off.



anyway... thats the current dramz.... there's really much more going on, but quite frankly I'm a little tired and its nice to vent on the negative =] but the positive far outweights in my life these days.... I am blessed!

until my next blurrrb. I'm off to get ready to go out! only two more weekends left!!!


<3

ah... the art of procrastination.

actually... I'm not procrastinating TOO bad... I only have one more source I have to enter into el annotated bib. ...but my dumb ass left the thousand zillion paged article for last! grrrr.

I discovered my love for spark notes today. I'm truly madly in love.

and lazy.


=]

This weekend is going to be a blast, I'm extra excited! I had fun and all during spring break... but after you've been going out dancing at the clubs n bars, house parties just don't seem to cut the cake anymore :/ hehe.

so I'm PUMPED!

that and andy and leighann are SUPPOSED to be coming up. But andy is one of those people that you can't really be sure if he'll show up until the last second... SO FRUSTERATING.


----

Last night I COULD NOT fall asleep because all I could think about is what I'm going to wear this weekend... I think I have a problem!
my stupid black boots that I wanted SO bad fell apart at the clubs last time, and the majority of my "going out" clothing is black-themed. annoyyyying.
but the PROBLEM is... I HAVE NO MONEY TO BUY ANYTHING NEW.


I HATE NOT HAVING MONEY!

!!!!!!

it's left me very stressed out.

as you can tell!

and I feel awful about mooching off of ryan so much....
but then again when I think about it... he went a good year and a half pretty well mooching off of MY ass.

so maybe I shouldn't feel so bad about it... after all... he IS the "pants" of the relationship. Or supposed to be...

hah.


-----

I also really hate dieting...

but I promised myself I would after spring break because I ate SOOO much junk!
I'm trying to cut carbs... but LAURA LOVES HER CARBS. Its really hard.
and lately I haven't been able to get the the gym cuz I've been so bogged down with homework, I have probably 5 to 10 minutes of free time at the most these days.

I'm just really hoping that I'll shed it off during may when I leave school.

freshman 15? Um, try freshman TWENTY FIVE.


somethin's gotta change...

I just wish I didn't LOOOVE food so much.

I'm destined to be a fatty forever =[


-----


that's all folks. I gotta get readin my last article so I can finally finish the bib.



LUH.


YEW.

Two down One to go on the Bib.

I really hate annotated bibliographies... did I spell that right? anyway.... they're extra gay, and I really wish I would have started mine earlier. Seems like the nearing of summer has caused me to start procrastinating... I just don't understand why we have to write this long drawn out bibliography... who honestly CARES!!! Can't I just get my damn ten paged paper out of the way?

whatever. lame. I'm done for now... I'll finish after science lab (I hope!)

in addition to all that stuff though... I have a take home test due on friday (shouldn't be TOOOO bad), a test in American Civ... which I'm getting a little afraid of... I Aced the first one, but I haven't been as on top of things as usual, who KNOWS whats going on with humanities... not me! I am so far behind in that class its sick, another critical analysis for psych is coming up... I am especially not excited to write that, luckily he gives us two weeks...
I guess when I write it out it doesn't sound too bad... but I also have a crap ton of reading to do for all of those and not a whole lot of time to do it, yuck.


its times like these where I REALLY wish I could consume an unhealthy amount of caffeine to help me out... sometimes it seems unfair that I have to lull around in my natural mindset when everyone else is hopping around with coffees and energy drinks... panic disorder GO AWAY.

but while we're on the subject of that, mr. panic attack hasn't come to bite me in the ass as much as usual. He seems to have limited himself to mainly movie theaters, or hangovers... maybe the occassional marijuana usage... and I stress OCCASSIONAL (as meaning VERY few and far between). But for some reason he came back to get me this semester with a vengance after having been gone for almost 5 months...
It never fails to bother me even more that I'm a PSYCH major and I still can't keep it under control, even though I know its all in my head. I have a better grasp on it now but when they hit, they hit HARD... and nobody ever really seems to understand the terror I feel when they come. Its hard to think in a psychological way when You feel like your heart has stopped, you're whole body's cold, you're chest is aching, your ears are ringing, and your throught feels almost completely cut off of all air inhalation at all...
I just hope it goes away sometime soon... I want to SCREAM every time it comes. I hate myself for it.

anyway... after that fun little blog-er-ino. I have to head out to science lab... great.


ta ta.

dear summer, its me, Laura.

wow. I decided I really like writing blogs. I did a few on myspace but I don't go on that site nearly enough to update it whenever I want... maybe this will be easier?

Spring Break has left me ITCHING for summer. It had to be an act of God that it was almost a perfect 60-70 degrees the ENTIRE week. Of course, as soon as Ryan and I got in the car to come back to school it started raining. Funny how that happens...

It WAS a great week. I didn't work at all... I need the money, but I also really needed a good relaxing break! I decided that it was okay because I'm only a freshman and don't TECHNICALLY need the money anyway... I have enough right now, I'm just used to a rather LARGE cushion of money. But the break was well worth it. It made me realize how much I missed my friends back home... very nostalgic. HOWEVER... I think it was all the drama I could take in one week;) its nice to come back here and have things be a little more quiet (minus the school work...) But it DID make me SO excited for summer, I can already tell that its going to be a BLAST... here is my list SO far...

camping with jordan, liz, joe, ...natalie kelsie and brandon too?
camping (AGAIN) with sami sue and I'm sure a few handfulls of the dubuque crew;)
adventureland with first said group
I saw that there was a "Iowa Idol" competition at the Iowa state fair, so I'm thinking maybe making a whole big trip out of the adventureland/fair thing
jenni texted me today askin me if I wanted to go canoeing... FUN.
tubing with leighann
finley's finley's finley's!!!! I'm sure there will be NUMEROUS trips to our favorite beach! :)
warped tour with jordan?
road trips
drunken nights
bonfires
ryan's birthday party
sami's birthday party
jake's birthday party.... yayyyy birthday parties!
and about a zillion other things
<333 I can hardly wait!


All of this is making it really hard to focus on school work :x
I just have to get through another month... then i'm safe! lets hope I make it that far! I've got a 3.8 gpa right now and I'd kindof like to keep it up there=]